pressure - Newest

Slipped discs are the injury that have 'made me cry the most' within my life (so far). With my three slipped discs (two lower back and one upper neck) there were days where it felt like 'I cried all the time'. This doesn't mean that my pain threshold 'was low' - but that herniated discs 'punch right through' whatever pain threshold 'you have before', and cause you to experience 'just how LOW life can GO' (for quite some time). And whilst you are 'that LOW' you shall also experience 'something else' about our 'highly evolved society' - that no matter 'who you are' IT DOES NOT CATER FOR ADULTS 'that are CRYING'. For as adults, we believe that 'its only kids that cry'. But slipped discs 'refine that opinion':

In the early 2000's, I can remember seeing a lady crying, when something 'had gone wrong' with the completion of her 'advanced scuba diving course'. They were down at thirty metres 'under water'. But when they 'came up' she was in tears (bordering on screaming). She was a 'shaking mess' who could not be consoled. But with slipped discs, that's the 'kind of crying' that you can expect - for months at a time! For your tears 'shall be fed through' three underlying causes:

• The pain you're experiencing 'everywhere'. Any human being 'that's in pain' is going to find it hard 'to be their usual self'. Whilst there maybe pain (from broken bones and accidents) that 'feel worse' - I would be 'hard pressed' to name PAIN that 'lasts for as long' (as slipped discs do). As months will 'go by' without you noticing 'any reduction' in that pain. In my third bout, it was fourteen months before I noticed 'any improvement' - a reduction in 'muscular pain', which evolved into 'nerve pain' (both of which 'kept me company'). On some days it will feel as though 'it's too much pain' and you will 'break down' and start crying - finding it hard to stop!
• The impact on your life 'what you've lost'. Any human being that is unable to go about 'their usual activities' is going to feel saddened. So many of our lives 'are based upon routine'. We are used to doing 'certain things' on a weekly basis (such as attending a kickboxing class) and also on a seasonal basis (such as 'spring cleaning' and gardening). BUT when you can't do those, having to refrain (for the most part) because of 'terrible pain' - then you will find that you will lose 'much of the stability' that a weekly routine 'brings to you'. On some days it will feel as though 'you can't take any more' and you will 'break down' and start crying - finding it hard to stop!
• The 'time of year'. The run up to Christmas 2017 'is the hardest I've ever known'. As this was three months after that 'silly decision - to ride the zip wire' (which gave me my three slipped discs). It's very hard 'to be merry' when it feels like you've been hit 'with a neutron bomb' (especially when 'you're left' in the blast crater, feeling the 'shockwaves' every day). I can remember 'wrapping up my Christmas Presents' whilst being 'close to tears'. How can such a 'simple task' take SO LONG, and be SO PAINFUL? I had trouble 'sitting in the seat', 'cutting the paper' and reaching for the Sellotape. I also found that 'first summer' (2018) difficult to cope with ... I'd usually be out running, enjoying the local countryside and exploring my local woods (listening to the wildlife). But with my slipped discs, I was 'well and truly' housebound - and as such, I lost many of my usual 'relaxation paths'. I found that this 'turned to tears' and that 'I would cry' because I felt 'less than I had been'. I would ask myself a question: why me again? As I'd then 'remember about' my previous two slipped disc bouts, and cry some more!

I would also say that the 'mental challenges' to recovering from slipped discs - are harder 'the older you are'. As a kid, you can 'get by' with not doing 'much at all' - BUT as an adult, you will find 'doing nothing' extremely hard. Well I am afraid, that whilst you're recovering from slipped/herniated discs - that 'doing nothing' is exactly how you're going to be spending (most of) your time! You shall also be asking yourself a question: how can I pass this time? Of hours in days that 'feel like' years? It's hard ... And it gets 'even harder' when you have to cope with 'three pressures at once':

WHEN 'the pain' - AND 'what you've lost' - AND 'the time of year' - HIT YOU!!!

For then expect:

A cascading waterfall of tears - that takes you back 'to being a baby again'.

Recovering from slipped discs is akin to 'learning to cope with pressure'. You may believe that 'your good' at handling pressure (within our modern lives) - but the pressures your dealing with 'whilst recovering from herniated discs' take it to 'a whole different level'. Because the 'laser sharp truth' is this: NO ADULT CAN COPE WITH BEING BUSTED BACK TO THE RANK OF BABY. Sure, many of us 'talk about' being stronger than we are - able to 'cope with many situations'. BUT slipped discs test the validity of your beliefs! Because no matter what you say, it has been 'a long time' since you last had to 'crawl somewhere'. Only with slipped discs - you won't be able to crawl! You'll be lucky if you can 'move at all':

Whilst I have been recovering from my three slipped discs (two lower back, one upper neck) I have often 'pondered to myself' for a phrase that 'best illustrates' how bad slipped disc injuries actually are, and why we cannot just simply 'recover from them' (within short timespans). As I have an interest in dinosaurs, I wanted 'that phrase' to be related to 'the Age of the Dinosaurs' (the Mesozoic Era). So let us 'travel back' 113 million years ago - to the time of Iguanodon:

Imagine you're a plant eating dinosaur (let's say a five ton Iguanodon). You're peacefully 'eating some shrubs' when all of a sudden, an eleven tonne Spinosaurus 'comes along'. It sinks its 'five inch long teeth' into your back/neck, throws you around 'side to side', whilst 'biting into you some more', then throws you to the ground (because it doesn't like the taste of Iguanodon). That's a slipped disc. Your lives over, and everything's 'gone down the pan'. Now - feel the pressure!

I've been in 'this scenario' three times! I'd say the third time 'is/was the hardest' - because I had been used to 'doing things' (such as running ten to fifteen miles) for four years 'or so'. I took 'many things' for granted and felt that I was 'in a good place'. I'd managed 'to forget all about' the lessons of my first two slipped disc injuries. Yet fate 'it seems' had a way to remind me - my third outing into the realms of slipped/herniated discs ... As humans, many people will say that 'they feel unhappy' (even when their body's 'working fine'). But with slipped discs, your body won't be 'working fine' - and you're going to be worrying about so-called 'simple tasks' (such as walking). Slipped discs 'put everything in perspective' ... Within our lives, I feel that many people 'take things for granted' and that 'they're in control'. We feel 'protected within' this Modern World (especially with our 'sheltered houses' and technology). BUT WERE NOT! Anything can happen 'at any time'. And when it happens to you (such as slipped discs) then everything changes 'very quickly' ...

Just like that Iguanodon, you're going to be concerned 'only with survival'. Nothing else will matter! And whilst you're 'trying to survive' these slipped discs are going to be throwing 'one form of pressure after another' at you. You're going to 'find it hard to cope' (some days asking: what is living?). Here are the 'kinds of pressure' that I contended with (whilst I was that 'wounded Iguanodon' - just trying to 'get back up again' and 'get some measure' of my 'normal life' back):

• Physical Pressure. From the herniated discs themselves (pushing on the nerves within my spine). There's pushing, and then there's PUSHING. When it's the latter, then your body is going to 'struggle to cope' with the amount of pressure that it's being subjected to. This pressure's 'got to vent somewhere'. For me, it was the worst headaches and migraines (that I've ever had). It felt like somebody had parked a 'starship on my head' - and a 'planet sized' starship at that! I can also remember one night, where it felt like somebody was 'continually punching me in my eyes' (even 'standing up' with my laptop 'was no good' - so I headed to bed 'really early').
• Mental pressure. Having to 'suck up' the amount of pain I was in (and just 'get on with it'). You're also going to have to deal with the 'hard realisation' that your life 'as you knew it' is over for many months (even years!). What has really helped me here, is counting my recovery 'in months'. I'm now in the start of my twenty-third month of recovery 'which sounds a lot better to me' than saying 'just under two years of recovery'. For some reason, 'when counting in months' it doesn't seem 'quite as bad'. The ironic 'thing is' - I haven't ever lost count!
• Material pressure. Having to 'deal with your finances' whilst you're unable to work for 'anything like - normal periods'. I found that, whilst I was in 'terrible pain' (up to around fourteen months) that I 'really didn't care about bills'. It's called surviving - your health comes first! Unfortunately, other people 'may not see it like that'.
• Family pressure. We all have 'family days' where you go out and 'do something together'. Unfortunately, you will NOT BE ENJOYING THESE 'for quite some time'. I can remember Christmas Day 2017. I struggled 'to sit down and eat my dinner'. I also struggled 'to sit on my sister's sofa'. As I couldn't bend at all! I can also remember my niece's birthday meal (2018) - where if I didn't 'have to go out' I would have 'quite happily' stayed at home!
• Friend pressure. I didn't suffer with this one. By the time 'I got back up' - the other Iguanodons 'had gone' ...

I kept 'most of this pressure' to myself (although there were some days where it 'spilled over' at home). Having to deal with 'this much pressure' caused me to ask 'the same question' that is phrased within 'Batman Begins': Why do we fall Sir? So that we can learn - to pick ourselves up! Only with slipped discs, it will feel 'more akin' to having fallen into 'a deep black hole' - which causes you 'to withdraw from normality' for quite some time! And when you do 'come back' (from the depths of that black hole), you're going to feel 'less Iguanodon' - and 'MORE Tyrannosaurus Rex'. ROAR!!!

Within the realms of slipped disc symptoms, there are both 'nasty symptoms' and 'really nasty symptoms'. I am afraid that 'feeling sick - wanting to throw up everywhere' is only ever found within the latter! Whilst I'd suffered with this symptom, during my two previous bouts of slipped discs, I'd also managed to 'forget all about it' (within four years of good health). Unfortunately, this symptom 'came back with a vengeance' within my third bout (two herniated discs lower back and one herniated disc upper neck). I can't remember a week within those first six months, when I didn't feel sick 'for most of it'. And when I say 'feel sick', I mean with 'vomit bug FEEL SICK' sensations that 'lasted for hours/days'.

For whilst your recovering from slipped discs, you're going to be joining the ranks of the 'truly unwell humans'. This particular category includes other individuals 'that can usually feel sick all/much of the time' - I refer to humans that are undergoing treatment for cancer. Whereas much of their 'feeling sick' is going to be due to the side effects of radiotherapy - you're 'feeling sick' is going to be due to the 'damage you've done to your spine' (specifically 'the pressure' from your slipped discs pushing onto your spinal cord, near 'those nerves' that lead to/from your stomach). Amongst my 'many memories' of feeling vomit bug sick - there is one particular day that shall always 'stand out' for me:

I'd been sitting at my desk 'in the morning' for half an hour (or so) getting on with some work, when suddenly 'completely out of the blue' my desire to vomit 'uncontrollably everywhere' built and built! I had to stop work 'for the day' - and proceeded to try 'walking it off'. But to no avail. I tried 'standing up' (thinking happy thoughts). But to no avail. I tried 'lying down' (to try 'sleeping it off'). But to no avail. After an hour or two, I decided 'enough was enough' and I managed to 'get booked into my doctors' (on an emergency). I asked my Dad 'to drive me down'. I wanted to 'throw up' in my Dad's car. I wanted to 'throw up' in my Doctor's waiting room. I wanted to 'throw up' whilst talking to my doctor. I wanted to 'throw up' after he'd examined me. I wanted to 'throw up' on the journey home. I wanted to 'throw up' for the remainder of that day. I wanted to 'throw up' all night - and 'all the next day' as well!

It's hard - and it gets even harder 'when you disagree with your doctor'. As he didn't seem to think that my 'feeling sick' had anything to do with my slipped discs (although he did request an MRI scan for me). All I know is this: when the pressure from my slipped discs 'started relenting' then I didn't feel 'vomit bug sick' anymore. Unfortunately, it took around six months for those 'vomit bug sick' sensations to 'fully go away'. It was 'hard to cope' - but it toughens you up!

But even 'within the realms of toughening you up' is there 'one scenario' that you - DON'T WANT TO ENCOUNTER:

You could be the 'poor smuck' who actually catches the 'seasonal vomit bug' whilst recovering from slipped discs!

Whilst I have encountered this myself - it wasn't until month nineteen (of my recovery). I certainly wouldn't have wanted 'the seasonal vomit bug' - before nineteen months of recovery! As I feel that 'anytime sooner' would be a 'step too far' within the realms of the 'dead and the dying'. It's 'bad enough' feeling sick - let alone 'actually being sick'! Just ask 'Chunk' from the fantasy film 'The Goonies' - who has a 'rather comical' (dark humour here!) line that he mutters:

But the worst thing I ever done: was when I 'threw puke' over people in the cinema - who then 'threw up themselves'.

In any case, I was 'just glad' that I could eat my Christmas Dinner (December 2017) without feeling sick! Some luck!

Ah 'the bliss' of being able to go to the toilet 'when you want'. BUT with slipped discs, you won't be 'quite so keen' to go to the toilet! The reason being: THE PAIN - THAT 'GOING TO THE TOILET' CAN CAUSE YOU! I had this 'classic' herniated disc symptom 'the worst' in my first bout of slipped discs (three lower back), 'not so bad' in my second bout (two middle back) and 'here we go again' in my third bout (two lower back, one upper neck). Whilst uninjured people will 'put off' going to the toilet (for reasons such as 'making it home first') with slipped discs, you will 'put off' going to the toilet - because of 'nightmare memories' about previous outings to the toilet! But it's a 'BAD IDEA' to delay going 'for too long':

In the early stages, you shall FEAR 'GOING TO THE TOILET' - and have nightmares about it! For the following reasons:

• Going to the pee. This can feel like 'your nerves are splitting' deep inside your spine. It's almost as if 'the signal to go' is not getting through - but is instead 'pushing against another nerve'. The harder you try, the more you will feel 'that nerve path'. You will also be worried about 'stopping as well' - especially if you get (what I refer to as) 'a nerve catch' - you will know it when it happens! In any case, 'going to the pee' will be far from pleasurable!
• Going to the poo. This can feel like 'muscles are tearing' deep inside your spine - because it feels like your lower back discs 'are being forced' to move (and they won't like that!). This affect will be 'even worse' if you're constipated (as your lower back discs 'will really NOT LIKE' being strained). It was 'bad enough' sitting down, let alone 'having to push'. It's 'not nice', with the only constellation prize being - that we 'poo less than we pee'.

In my first bout of slipped discs, I was prescribed 'pain killers' which made it even harder 'to go to the toilet' (as they really made me constipated!). But in my later bouts, I primarily 'just put up with the pain' (remember that saying from the World at War: You get used to it. You can get used to anything!). Even 'accounting for that', you won't enjoy 'going to the toilet' - especially in the 'early days' of recovering from slipped discs. BUT YOU NEED TO GO. Because if you don't, you're only 'fighting against' your body's natural 'waste clearage' processes (which will lead to you 'retaining toxins' inside your body, for longer than 'nature intended' - which won't do you 'any good at all'). It's a 'catch 22 - toilet woe':

You need to go to the toilet BUT 'the means' by which you go, will cause you 'GREATER PAIN' (until you start to heal) BUT to aid 'in your healing' - your body needs to 'expel its waste products' as normal ...

Within my third bout of slipped discs, I have also encountered 'toilet irony'. For within my later stages of healing, I could feel the need 'to go to the pee' three or four times before heading to bed! I found myself fixated on the 'just encase I wet my bed' scenario ... I suspect that this is/was caused through the concept of 'touching nerves'. Because when I 'sat up' in my bed (and was able to 'read a book'), then I could feel 'the need to go' - but when lying down, that urge would dissipate (without me 'wetting my bed'). For these slipped discs really do 'bust you back to the rank of baby' which also includes 'it feeling like' - you're relearning the basics of 'potty training' and 'knowing just when to go' to the pee/poo!

Whilst some slipped disc symptoms are related to pain, and others are related to pinched nerves - mix the two together, and you're in a 'world of strangeness'! For this is where, you will find another slipped disc symptom 'feeling faint and light headed' - which goes hand-in-hand with 'dream like sensations' (as though 'everything is a dream'). Whilst it may feel 'chemically similar' to Deja vu, it is also 'very much different' - because it feels as though 'everything around you' is part of a dream world (with some parallels to the science fiction film 'The Matrix'). Unfortunately, this symptom 'could loom up on me, without any warning' - and there wasn't much that I could do about it, other than 'go along with it':

To say that it could 'unsettle me slightly' is an understatement! Whilst many of us 'will tune out' when listening/talking to others, actually feeling as though 'everything your seeing and hearing' isn't really there - does tend to spook you! Unfortunately, such feelings WERE NOT 'true day dreams' - they were instead a side effect of the slipped discs 'pushing onto' the nerves in my spine, subjecting them to pressure, whilst lowering my blood pressure (causing the faintness) and ultimately resulting in 'dream like sensations'. With my two slipped discs lower back, and one slipped disc upper neck - my spine had 'so much pressure' to cope with, that my mind's eye 'dreamed in full VIVID colour'! Unfortunately, this sensation interfered with 'every aspect' of my daily routine - as it could easily 'stop me in my tracks' when I was:

• Getting on with my work. Writing computer code - 'what on Earth' have I typed? That's not C. That's more illegible keyboarding! Creating 3d polygon models - where's this 'window frame' connecting to, the end of a ship's sail? Oh look: I'm floating! My seats 'way down there' and I'm 'hovering above it' (trying to work!).
• Relaxing in the evening. Watching the television - am I actually 'standing here' watching this? Because it feels more like 'I'm floating here' watching this! Playing a computer game - I know this level's really simple, but I keep 'getting lost' and struggling to think. Is that a riddle or a menu? Oh look: I'm 'hovering' in the lounge!
• Going to tap dance class. Learning some new steps - nothing's sinking in! My steps 'are all different', these people aren't really here! I don't actually remember travelling to this class. That sounds like a distant tap?
• Driving my car. Whilst I'd been 'out and about' at Maldon one Saturday morning 'feeling just fine' - on the 'way back' I started to feel terrible, as though 'matter itself' was just dreamy! Oh look: I'm flying! DeLorean style.

The dreamlike sensations would then 'evolve into' the BIG QUESTIONS - which would really 'weird me out':

Why are we here? How big is the universe? Is 'reality' really reality? Are 'you' you? Or is your 'soul' you? Am I floating 'inside' my body? Or is 'my body' floating inside my soul? What is it 'that we see' when we look around? Is matter really there? Or is it just imagined? Why are the planets in orbit? When will 'the aliens' really say something? This air seems 'so much thicker' than usual - it's as though I'm underwater! My head's 'floating above' my body! Hello there! Mrs Alien ...

And it was those 'big questions' that tended to 'get me down' - bordering on panicking! Granted, before my third bout of slipped discs, I could occasionally feel as though 'everything is a dream' - BUT whilst recovering in my third bout (of slipped discs), I had this 'everything is a dream' sensation SO MUCH MORE, almost every day 'for some period' (especially in the early stages of recovery). What did I do about this? I decided (most of the time) just to 'head to bed' - and try sleeping it off! At the very least, I figured this approach was 'far safer' then doing anything physical (such as attempting to operate a machine). In any case, even if you 'head to bed' you may not actually be able to sleep - as I can remember one 'really bad night' where that slipped disc in my neck was 'biting down HEAVILY' (even more than usual) and it felt as though I was 'floating above my bed'! Which leads 'naturally into' the realms of nightmares! As many of the 'dream-like sensations' that I had whilst experiencing this symptom, I regard as 'day-mares':

Dream-like sensations that have you questioning 'the strength of the connection' to your 'sense of self' - that's found within this physical world 'that we live in' and perceive as 'planet Earth'.

For I found that slipped discs 'attack that connection' and make you feel 'it's all a dream' (but ironically, not the injury!).